Can You Imagine?

So I did some reading on the car accident that claimed the lives for four teenagers this past week. My heart is so broken for everyone's lives affected. Those kids, were just that, kids. One was fifteen, two were sixteen, and the other was nineteen. They were just finding themselves in this world and then they were taken away. They were so young.

I cannot imagine what their friends and family are feeling. Sadness, anger, regret, resentment. Death has the tricky way of making you feel several emotions all at once. Their poor parents who now lost their children. I am told there is no greater grief then to lose your child. Can you imagine having to bury your child and not have it the other way around? Can you imagine having them one day and then before you can even blink, they are gone forever? Death is the horrible lock on the door that can never be opened again. *Shivers* I have experienced only one trully painful death in my life and that was my grandpa, my first father and friend. I was only six but the grief still was hard for me to shake off. But I cannot imagine losing someone now, where you able to process things more, and even have memories to haunt you, Ugh...

Can you imagine what these teens friends are going through? What if one kid had all four as friends? Losing all four in one night? I will tell you honestly, I HATE the thought of losing my friends to death. I know I will see them in Heaven again, but until then, it would be so hard.

Can you imagine the lady who did this? Her name is Frances Patricia Dingle. Most people are angry at her but my heart actually breaks for her too. I honestly think I hurt more for her then everybody else. Now I am against drinking and driving like anybody else. When I was in fifth grade of my friends Hannah's family and her were in car accident with a drunk driver. Her mother and the other driver died instantly. Her brothers faced terrible head injuries that last time I heard still leave them handicapped and I believe she is never going to be the same either. She was an incredible friend and so sweet. But to think, the weight of guilt after realizing what you have done, your stupid decision to drink and drive killed someone or worse, several people. To be honest, if that ever happened to me (regardless if I was drunk or not) I would wish I would have died in the crash along with kids. I couldn't live with myself. Can you just imagine how she feels knowing she killed four teenagers? She killed someone's daughter, son, aunt, uncle, sister, brother, friend. Can you imagine her in her cell, trying to sleep but the guilt weighs down on her heart and the only way she can sleep is by crying? Can you imagine living your life knowing what you did? Can you imagine have four families hating you?

I hurt for everyone in this situation. I hurt most for Frances and I am going to be praying for her as often when God brings her to my mind. I will be praying His mighty grace will be evident to her and she will cling to Him for forgivness of her sin. God has His reasons for this tradgey. We may find out in this lifetime or we may never know. He knows what He is doing. "He does all things for His glory and our good!"

Friday Night

Currently listening- WallE Soundtrack, hehe : )
Trying to Do: Read three chapters and take notes for Early Childhood Education
Truly desiring to do: Crawl into warm bed and fall asleep
Current Mood: About to fall asleep on keyboard

It's about five minutes after midnight and I am fighting every urge in my flesh to crawl into my bed and sleep. I had promised myself tonight I would stay up, study, and get some homework done. There are two factors I did not see coming that would prohibit this idea and that is 1. I would have an eight hour shift today (once again, most of ya'll work that everyday but in my line of work, that is one heck of a long day) annndd I have been awaiting my midday sencond wind to come in since noon and it has failed to arrive. I believe it is safe to say, twelve hours later...it is not coming anytime soon. My luck (I don't believe in luck just to let you know) it will arrive when I am trying to sleep.

Yesterday after a seven hour shift that went extremely well, I headed over to my best work friend's house. Sara, William (the custodian at school and Sara's brother) and I ate delicious Lebanese food for dinner. I am a quarter of Lebanese so that stuff makes me extremely happy! After stuffing out faces with Humus, Meat Pies (chopped up Lamb), Kibbe (Raw lamb), and pita like bread, we took our full bellies down to their basement to watch Walle. I believe it was my...well let's see, New Jersey, girls from church, babysitting Farmers/Warbingtons, babysitting Russells, family, Will and Sara...I am sure there's more then that but that's sixth time seeing that amazingly precious movie! One day I will own it! : )

Tomorrow the game plan flows something like this: going to Sarah's soccer game at 8:30 (I honestly doubt if I'll be able to pull my coma like self out of bed) do a few at home projects, go to Great Skate for one of my sixth grade darlings birthday party from one to four, follow her family home for cake and ice cream. Study what I could not do tonight. I am going to try to see if Da has a hockey game so I can have a chance to hang with my Jenn Duffaroo! : )

On Sunday night, Jordan and Jessa are leading Sunday Night... I am soooo excited! It will be an incredible night that I have been looking forward too! Yayyy! Afterwards we get to go to the Huteks for bible study as always! Yayyyy!!!

I should stay up till all hours till my notes are done, but I am dying. I'll just finish my one project so I do not have to work on it tomorrow. Worse case scenario is I have to do it Monday being that I work 3-5:45! (yucky short hours but, give me time at home and to be productive with homework, if I use it well) Alright, gotta get to that project so I can get into my big comfy bed! Yay! : )

Has it been two weeks?

So quite frankly, I have nothing to write home about. I cannot even try to knock my head for any interesting things to tell you about. These past two weeks haven't been bad or boring (ha, I don't have time to be bored, it would be nice) neccessarily. I just cannot think of anything blog worthy. Tomorrow is my first day off from life in like forever. I am not working, I am not going to school (don't tell anyone, work will find it and have me come in) I am going to spend my day aimlessly doing things. Get up whenever I decide to, wobble over to the couch to watch television, and do whatever. I believe the only thing on my schedule is to go to my little sister's volleyball game. But really that's all for now and Im hoping it will remain that way. I am looking forward to the 63 degree weather tomorrow...hehehe! I may sit out and get a much needed tan! Haha...or just do the cool thing, read. Probably the latter. : )

Just About Recovered

(Home sweet home, this is Superwoman or Hannah whatever sounds cooler, I loved this little pumpkin so much!)

Like I said in the previous post, I embarked on the last winter trip for the season this past weekend. Woweee...I am still so tired, sore, and my voice is still funky. The ride up there was honestly one of the awesomest bus rides of my life. (keep in mind, I have been on a bus at least a hundred fifty three times or something like that) We sang songs for almost the majority of the ride. There were several songs the kids wanted to do over and over in different accents, voices, and dialects. My voice began to squeak like a poor thirteen year old boy before we even pulled up the camp. Seriously, the singing was so much fun. I tried my song, for those of you that are wondering, and it went well. It didn't totally click but that's okay. We did "We will rock you" amazing grace style and that went very well. Some of the louder boys wanted me to stop with the singing so they could talk. After awhile, I listened to their requests and went to socialize with various girls.

As the drive wore on, I had pretty much all the girls ask if they could be in my cabin. (keep in mind, we only could have five in each to evenly distrubute the girls) I had eleven girls begging me to let them in my cabin. Two of them were in my cabin last year and probably will be in mine next year at the Ignite retreat. I told the girls that whatever cabin they end up at, it will equal the same fun, and that we'll hang out all together. That put their little minds at ease. So we played a few games and I had several of them use me as a pillow as they fought to keep their eyes open.

We got there to find we were in the artic. Ice casted a heavy blanket every where. The trip instantly changed it's name from White Out to Wipe Out. The kids and leaders enjoyed taking numerous spills. I actually did okay, leaving the kids to recongize Rachel was a good person to hold onto so they wouldnt fall (I know what youre thinking, I was surprised too) One time all the girls were holding to me while we walked to lunch and one fell causing me to go tumbling after as well. Anywhoo, the trip was tons of fun for the kids and well, me too.

The kids learned from three different speakers that they could worship God in other ways then just worship on Sunday. I-Worship was the theme, through obidience, humility, and suffering. It was a great challenage and reminder.

Tubing was fun activity had by all. We truly had a blast! The kids loved sayin, "Rachel I want to die come, come tubing with me!" Well how could I pass up the chance with that motivation? I had one kid tell me, he was determined to fall off the tube mid ride. Reminded me of a younger girl that was determined to kill herself on a tube. Her freshman year she was successful and landed herself in the hosptial for a concussion. Anywhoo, I told the kid, if he came with me he would be sure to fall off. So instantly he jumped on my lap and we flew down the hill. Like I had promised,

he flew off. He was so happy! I was accused by Brien Brough that I pushed him. I can be evil, but not that evil.

I believe we only had one major tubing accident the entire weekend. Two of my girls went down and one fell off somehow in front of the tube, got ran over, and her face got slashed by ice. I looked over at her to see her face bleeding. Upon seeing blood coming from her face, she screamed. The guy from the camp overseeing the bottom part of the hill, told her it was only bleeding like if you popped a zit. I just thought it was utterly hilarious at this man's attempt to calm the screaming girl. : ) Anywhoo, Slash turned out to be alright. Just a good slash under her eye leading it to be all swollen. Tough chicka, I tell ya...

The stomach issues I had been facing all were not really an issue at all. There was a point after posting my last post, where I highly considered not going because of how terrible I felt. I went and found myself so busy taking care of kids, that I didn't even have to time to realize if I felt sick. I was so busy with kids. I really respect mothers to a whole new level now. Kids really don't care if you're tired, if they want you- somehow they're gonna get you. On the way home I lied my pillow on the window and tired to muster some kind of sleep. I really didn't want to sleep period because this was my time with the kids but I could barely keep my eyes open. I told Emily to wake me up in half an hour. I was just getting to that deep sleep part when my girls started to pull my shoes and socks off fifteen minutes later. Meanwhile they let another leader sleep for the majority of the ride home. That wasn't fair. Oh well...I woke up and watched exhaustedly all the fun shannigans Jim Lowe did for the remainder of the trip.

We got home at like five o'clock, I came home hung with my parents for a bit. I shot over to the Huteks house for a bible study. My voice sounded absolutely horrible. Everyone kept making fun of it asking me speak louder so they could hear me. I was actually full of energy in the beginning but on several occassions, I almost fell asleep as one of the girls opened their arms for me to lie in. I was ttiiiiirrrrrreeedddd. Luckily, I didn't have to work the next day till 3,I know a leader who a thirteen hour day the next day. Ughhhh. Anywhoo, that about sums up the trip. That trip ends Rachel's desire for winter to stay, now she eagerly anticpates spring. : )

The Last One of the Season...

Well tomorrow I am embarking on my last winter excursion for the season. I will be accompanying 24 3-5th graders of church on Whiteout along with eleven leaders. As always, I will be leading in singing on the way as means of making the three hour trip seem somewhat shorter. I believe this time will run much smoother only because they are more easily amuzed and have an easier time following these kind of things.

This time I am going to bravely teach the children I song I wrote and see if it flies. I actually had a few guinie pigs to try it tonight. I babysatt ten little ones under six years old for small group. They actually did a lovely job following it besides the fact I couldn't do my own motions right. After we did that song, we engage in some other worship songs. As their little voices sang, apparently their parents were praying upstairs and recieved great joy hearing their little ones singing praises. Meanwhile, Rachel was just leading in singing only because we had already cleaned the basement and did all the things the kids wanted to do. I was asked if we could make this time a teaching/worship time for them. Being that tonight went rather well, I will try to allow it to happen more.

So anyways, with success tonight with my song I will defintely have more courage to use it for the kids tomorrow. I think they'll appreicate it more, maybe. Pray for our weekend. Pray for safety, health, their hearts will be prepared for the lessons. If you find it in your heart as well, pray for me. For the last two weeks, everytime I eat, I seem to face unpleasant reprecussions from it. The worse it gets is pretty nasty nauseua that makes me feel really sick and ready to gag. If you remember that, it would be nice. Thank you.

Hope you all enjoy your weekends. I will be home Sunday night. I will probably head over to the Hutek's where Jenn has offered her shower and bed for me to crash at until bible study. I am pretty sure I will take her up on it. : )

Overview of Saturday

Today, after facing a restless night's sleep, I arose out of my bed at 8:15am. I put some comfy clothes on and left the door at 8:25 to head six blocks over to babysitt Selena and Savanna for the morning. We watched a Care Bear's movie that really took the majority of the time. In admitting that, I feel like a horrible babysitter that I used a movie as means of entertainment for the girls. Afterwards, we had lunch and then I changed them into their clothes for the day. I have dressed kids before but today, I for the first time got to pick what they would wear and I got to style their hair. Ugh...it pretty much was the highlight of my morning. Someday I will have my own...

I came home a half an hour after noon and hit the books studying almost immeaditely. I memorized the last fifteen terms for a test I have on Tuesday. I have it all the terms memorized three days early. That could be described as a record! After that, I quickly cleaned up my room since I just cleaned it a few days ago. I just picked up the random items that fell from my hands to the floor.


Dad, mom, and I spent some time on youtube showing each other various videos. Sitting between my parents felt so...I don't know, lovely. I love those two so much. After the video sharing, I outlined the next chapter of the same class I studied for earlier. We ate dinner together shortly after. Shrimp Alfredo...yummm!

I then started to clean up my little office space downstairs I have. I use it for studying, scrapbooking, reading, doing devotions, and other various activites. So I decided to organize and put more decorations in it all today. I got so into it I loss track of time and forgot about Da's (Dan Stephens) hockey game I was invited to go too. By the time I realized what time it was, the game would have been over in twenty minutes. Aw well. I took pictures of the various parts of my cozy little space. So here are some pictures of it....with my running commentary.








This is the whole space in general complete with old wicker bookshelf, various pictures I took that mom framed, pictures and reminders of people I love, the desk I recieved as gift from my high school drama teacher, and Frank Po sitting up my suitcase that will be packed in a couple days for White Out.






This treasure right here is a famiy heirloom. Okay not really. But it has been apart of the Moen household since I have been born. Dad almost threw away this priceless treasure away when I snagged it for my area. The top shelf you will observe carries a radio, a cute snoopy Vday card on top of it, my God box (I put prayer requests in there, things that concern me and come back later to see how God has answered them, its pretty encouraging), Graduation Bear, and Snorta.
Next we have, my collection of notebooks and DVD's. The notebooks generally carry stories. I also have some cards from my birthday that just warmed my heart. I also have a picture of my late Grandpa Tony and me when I was four years old.

Under that shelf, we will find more notebooks however these ones carry notes from school and notes I shared back and forth with friends. There are two bags in the middle, one holds a pretty design and the other is a Teletubbies one. I use these bags to carry encouraging notes people have written me over the years. When ever I find myself not loved, which I am ashamed to admit, is more often that I would like, I go through those notes. I should read the Word...but I don't. I also have three different Hoops and Yoyo cards from people who know I love a good Hoops and Yoyo card. A card a friend sent me from Florida while I was in Germany. Photo ablums that hold my favorite photography shots I have taken. One day I will use them to have prospect buyers look through. All four of my high school year books are lined up in order.
One the bottom we have my scrapbooking supplies. I think that row holds my favorite things to organize. I was able to organize my stickers...which for anyone who has ever scrapbooked with me can say that is a huge deal.





Here is the wonderful free desk. I was in the market for a cheap desk for a little over a few weeks. One day, as I was having lunch with my drama teacher, Ms Swan, I saw she had moved her desk in the garage to be pitched. I asked her what price she would allow me to have it for. She insisted I just take it. So I took her sixteenth birthday present and it nows sits in my basement. Amberlee, my laptop, sits there (with the Ignite group as the background) owning the show probably playing my newest instrumental music addiction- chinese music with an erhu playing as the main instrument. Pure beauty. I am not going to bore you, more than I already have, with all the items in the desk area. Hmm idea. *Thinks out loud* I could decorate the outside of the drawers with several different pictures. Ohhh that's a splendid idea. When I get my own house, it will decorated with so many pictures of the ones I love. Just watch.




I love Saturdays, no work, no school -plenty of time to be productive with stuff that cannot get done during the week. Most the time anyways there aren't many Saturdays spent like this. Usaully I am lazying around. However, there are many Saturdays I wish Sunday wasn't after. Days like today I will be wanting to charge various projects and stay up all night doing so. Like right now, I want to reorganize my bookshelf in my room. But being that it is almost midnight and I have not showered for tomorrow, I can not. *Looks down defeated* OH well...tomorrow is Sunday which is another glorious day. Goodnight and good luck! : )

His Greatest Loss

I am in the process of writing a fanfic. A fanfic is when you see a movie or tv show, and say you did not like the way the movie ended, you can rewrite it and people will review it. Anywhoo, I wrote one and here is the beginning...

Tears of the Universe

The leaves crunched under his dress shoes as he walked up the hill. His heart was drowning in a hundred sorrows to fill the ocean that stretched a few miles away. Tears filled his eyes that were the color of the midnight sky. Typically, they held the glory of the stars of the universe amongst them but since the fateful day a week ago, those stars lost their magnitude due to a heavy blanket of fog.

Lucas Scott never experienced pain like this, the roaring throbbing pain coming from his heart with every passing minute. Physically, yes, he had experienced such pain coming from his heart but emotionally this had been a first time. His thoughts faced a vicious spinning circle. He just could not let himself move pass the fact that Keith died. Keith, his uncle that sacrificed so much so Lucas could have a man to rightfully call father, had been killed the week before.

Months before, Lucas and his entire literature class had an assignment to write about loss. He could not place at that moment what exactly he wrote as his greatest loss but he knew that it would not compare to the empty hole Keith left behind. After eighteen years of selflessly loving Lucas like his own son, Keith went out to sign papers to officially adopt Lucas during school. Lucas and he would go out for dinner and a basketball game in Charlotte to commemorate the event after school. That day had been January 26. The day of the shooting.